My friend, we'll call him General Washington, was also Divorced by 30 and sent me this particular story that I am glad I can share with all of you:
Hey Charlie Brown,
I just wanted to let you know...your experience with "Harmony" is honestly the way 90% of my entire dating life has gone.
Her: I think you are great, I really like hanging out with you, I want to talk to you all the time, you rock my world in the sack...etc.
Me: Awesome. I feel the same way!
Her: I'm not interested anymore.
Long story from last Summer:
A female friend of mine from home, we’ll call her Dream Girl, posts on facebook that she is heading to LA for a week for her work. She is one of my favorite people ever. We've been friends for over 10 years and she is the woman who I based my entire concept of what perfect physical female form is. She is 5'6" 110 lb. 29 with the body of a 19 year old. The kind of girl other girls hate because she could eat cheese cake, bacon and loafs of bread all day and never gain weight. And in her face she looks like an elf, very delicate features, big eyes. Just simply the most wonderfully proportioned human being I have ever known. She also is smart, funny and artsy. Masters Degree. Works for a major museum. Only problem is that as long as I have known her, either she had a boyfriend when I was single or I had a girlfriend when she was single. So I email her, we make plans to hang out while she is here. I hear from her the Friday at the end of her trip. She is leaving Sunday, lets hang out on Saturday. Cool.
I pick her up for lunch. Big hug, pick her up and spin her around the hug is so big. Look in each others eyes...it’s there still after all these years. We’re both thrilled to see each other. We go to lunch. Laugh a lot. Catch up. She is single, I am single.
Me, “What are you doing the rest of the day?”.
Her, “Whatever you are.”
I drive her around sight seeing. We go back to my place, she flips out when she sees that I have the entire Magnum P.I. collection. She asks if we can watch some. We do. Legs press against each other on the couch. I am sure you remember from back in the day what this means: she wants to make out with me. We make out. AWESOME. We talk about how we should have done this years ago. But I have two rules:
1- You don't try to date a girl you work with.
2- You don't steal a girl from another guy.
Number 1 because it is too much pressure to be on all the time. If they are not in your department, and you don’t have to see each other all day, I could make an exception for the right girl. Number 2 because it sets a bad precedent. She leaves some dude for you...she'll probably leave you for some other dude in the future.
I explain my rules to her, saying that I couldn’t start something with her by stealing her from someone else. She thinks I am more awesome than ever. We go get dinner. Then back to my place and we get naked. She spends the night and offers to cash in her vacation days and extend her trip for a week and stay with me. Sweet!!!
We have the best time even though I am working during the day. Luckily my job at the time had no direct supervision by my bosses. In fact, they were a couple miles away from the facility where I was stationed. So I take her with me. We hang out, watch movies, talk. She does a bit of work for her job and I do my little bit of work. I drop her off at the beach or the mall if I have to go over to the main office and I fck her brains out on the couch in my office a bunch of time. I love this girl, not only is she gorgeous, smart, fun...but also a total slut in the bedroom!!! Awesome!!! I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE!!!
I was seriously ready to quit my job and move back to home so I could spend the rest of my life with this girl. She was talking about trying to find a job in LA because in her words, "If we'd hooked up 10 years ago, we'd have kids by now." So it seems like she is as head over heels in love with me as I am with her! AWESOME!!!
I had written off true love back when I got divorced when I was 29 and moved to LA to live the dream. I don't talk about it much, because unlike your situation with the slow death of your long relationship, the end of my short marriage was about the most traumatic experience you could imagine. A whole bunch of shit, packed into a very short amount of time. I'll talk to you about it one day...not yet though because it is a MAJOR downer.
Part of why I am writing this is to make sure you know that you are in no way an outcast to be Divorced by 30. It’s Hollywood, everyone gets married like five times out here. It just proves you aren’t afraid to take a leap and proves you can invest emotionally in someone else. Most girls won’t care that you were married, especially ones of our generation and age group. Some will, but that is their deficiency, not yours.
Okay back to the story...So things are awesome. She tells me she loves LA and is going to start seeing if she can find a job at one of the great museums out here. She tells me that I am not allowed to give up my dream and move back home for her. She read my mind, because I was really wanting to do just that. This makes me more in love with her.
So Thursday she decides she just wants to chill at my place while I am at work. She is leaving Friday so she can have the weekend to recover from the trip before going back to work. I get home Thursday night and she has made a wonderful dinner for me. This girl is the greatest! We're cleaning up, doing dishes. And I said something to her. I don't remember what, but it was no more than I had said to her at other times that week. She then says, “I don't want you to set yourself up to be disappointed.” Mood change. And I know in that moment...that it is over.
I take her to the airport the next morning. Kiss her goodbye. She says we should try and make the long distance thing work. It is the future, with phones and the internet and such we can do this. But I can see that she doesn't believe what she is saying. I agree with her, but know in my heart that it is over.
We talk on the phone and over email but it is over, it is so obvious. The tension in her voice. The wall you speak of in your posts, huge and covered in sharp spikes, there was no way to climb it. I tried everything I could think of to make this work, sent her creative letters in the mail even, because while I knew it was over, I didn’t want it to be. A couple weeks later we acknowledge it, the elephant in the room. The time difference, our work schedules, etc. It’s not gonna work. It’s over. We both know it, but agree that if we are ever living in the same city...we'll give it a shot again. Then she buys a house the next week. How could someone go from crazy in love, ready to find a job across the country to be with me and then three weeks later makes an offer on a house?!? Women are crazy, man.
But we keep on looking, because there are some women that are less crazy than others and actually want the same kinda things we do. I’ve found a couple in the past and I know there are more out there. Just keep looking and then when you find one, remember how rare they are and don’t be afraid to take the plunge.
Lets take that hill dude,
General Washington
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